Words can barely begin to describe the intense swirling emotions that have consumed my every thought, every second of slumber and my ease of breath. I wouldn’t say I feel homesick, although I am just a bit, but rather a more proper label would be lovesick. My heart weighs a thousand pounds and leaves me pinned to the floor, gasping for air. I can’t seem to rid myself of that feeling you get right before you cry, the slight burning in the back of your throat, the watering in your eyes.

I miss being with someone so intimately that the world around me fades. And not just a someone, but the someone. And I think myself a fool, for I made the decision to leave long before I crossed the ocean. What am I getting myself into? What stupidity has come over me? Why does love like to play hide and seek with my heart?

It’s a true statement, you know. I believe that the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder” is vastly overlooked. I hadn’t left our time zone before part of me fell into dark matter. Yet, I can’t leave. I can’t give this up, right? I made a choice, a choice to live life as an adventure. To seek out a difference in life, new experiences, as much laughter as I can possibly share.

My experience in Germany is getting better as each day passes. I solidly learn a new word or two, I understand the muttering words of a crying child, the infant smiles at me as I enter the room. And I am preparing for a new phase in my time here–language education. Ah yes, I’ll be starting classes Monday morning. Four hours a day, plus an hour of homework in the evening. The German language and I will become one. It is my sole commitment while being here, my reason to stay and my requirement to go home. If I cannot have a normal conversation with any German randomly plucked from the country, then I have failed.

Stefanie, the sweet baby who’s nearly a year old, has accepted me. She doesn’t cry when her mother leaves her with me, instead, she smiles and laughs. I have so missed the laugh of a baby. Noah and Devin have grown into little boys, little boys who so easily make you melt.

Americans are self-contained and, in whole, know very little about the daily ongoings of the many countries in the world. Events here in Germany wouldn’t appear in your newspapers. So, consider yourself ever-so-lucky. You are reading my blog and it is providing you with some interesting dinner-table conversation. WWII bombs are discovered every now and then in Germany. During my trip to visit Thilo, one was found during a construction site. And last night, another was discovered. During the attempted disarming of the bomb, it went off, killing three and injuring another six.

As we are now in June, I can’t help but mentally check off one of twelve months. Eleven months before I’m back home to stay.

If you have religiously read my blog, as my grandmothers and darling sister have all sworn to be–such as a Twilight fan raced to grab a copy of Breaking Dawn–then you are well aware that this blog stands out–such as I, an obviously out-of-place American girl in a small town in Germany. I’m in a mood, a mood I fall into now and then when I feel overcome with emotions. I’ll be back to normal, up-beat Shalane soon, or at least, I really hope so.